How To Make Your Sex Life Better After Menopause

February 01, 2020.

We all know that your sex life can suffer tremendously when you reach menopause. If you aren’t one of those lucky babes who actually have an increased sex drive, here are some strategies to improve sex and intimacy after menopause. 

How to enjoy sex after menopause

Sex is largely a mental game, especially for women. It usually requires that we get our mental and emotional states in the right place to enjoy sex. When our mood is all over the place, and we are anxious, depressed, self-conscious about weight gain, or just damn tired, it is so hard to get in the mood. 

If you have a partner, the first step in getting mentally and emotionally fit for sex is to t.a.l.k. Let your partner know your struggles and brainstorm ways to make sex more enjoyable for you. It is important to realize what may have worked for you before perimenopause may not work anymore. Because blood flow is reduced to your reproductive organs and you have less of your own natural lubricant, you may need to try different techniques for arousal. 

  • Some women benefit from more foreplay to get aroused.

  • Play around with different lubes to see what you like best.

  • Find a change of scenery. If the bed is your go-to, take your intimacy to the couch, kitchen, or go on a sex-cation somewhere relaxing.

  • Indulge in self-pleasure to figure out what you enjoy. When you figure out what you like, let your partner in on it.

 As we age, it is natural for many couples to have sex less. If you and your partner are there, find other ways to express your love and intimacy for one another. Indeed, if sex is no longer as important to both of you, let go of what you think you should be doing and find happiness and joy in where you both are in your lives. If sex is still important to you, your partner, or both of you, here are some tips to increase sex drive. 

How to increase sex drive after menopause

 If sex is still important to you, your partner, or both of you, here are some tips to increase your sex drive. 

  • Self-care – Sometimes, you just need to be able to focus on you to help you relax and enjoy sex. Consider trying the following:

    • Journal or make lists to clear your head

    • Do something that makes you feel beautiful and sexy

    • Let your partner know ways to help you with housework, caregiving, etc. so that you have more energy for sex

    • Eat healthily!

    • Consider some pelvic floor physical therapy exercises like Kegels to strengthen your pelvic muscles and enhance sensations for you during sex.  

  • Routine – Spontaneity is wonderful in sex. But if you are having trouble with your sex drive, try establishing a routine that helps get you in the mood. Maybe it is a workout, followed by a shower. Perhaps a long bath or relaxing massage by your partner. Maybe it’s picking up a trashy novel and sitting in your favorite lingerie.  

  • Spice things up – Foreplay can start before you even touch. Give your partner a compliment or share a dirty secret. Shop for some lingerie together or relive some of your favorite past sexual experiences together.

If lifestyle changes do not help improve your sex drive (and they very well may not as the issue may be too rooted in your hormones), consult your doctor. You may be a candidate for other forms of therapy including hormone replacement therapy, and perhaps topical moderate doses of testosterone. Speaking to a therapist may also be beneficial for both you and your partner. 

Disclaimer: This is not medical advice, does not take the place of medical advice from your physician, and is not intended to treat or cure any disease. Patients should see a qualified medical provider for assessment and treatment. 

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Julia Walker
perry expert Julia (RN, BSN, BA) is a registered nurse based in Colorado. Julia's nursing background in women’s health has ranged from neonatal and postpartum care to labor and delivery, to outpatient gynecological medicine for both adolescent and adult populations. She specializes in helping women optimize their health during perimenopause and beyond.

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